Your Shipment of FAIL has Arrived

short of turning my baby blog into G-ma’s own Shop of Horrors, i just had to get it out of my system that she is a foxy old brat. and not the Megan Fox way. i just hit up my dictionary widget man, and that blue box says it means “wily, cunning“, and also mentions something about smelling rank like a fox. in fact, the “sexually attractive Megan Fox foxy” is number 5 on that list, so in case anyone thinks i have some weird mature-woman-fetish, Miss Webster just whoopped your ass.

back to my G-ma.

my mom thinks my granny is a poor old woman with bad eyesight. WRONG. she sits back on the couch and she can see the damn olympic country codes on the top left corner of the screen. she can see those little scrolling marquees on the bottom of the tv screen on channel news asia. yeah, my grandma is blind as a bat alright.

my mom thinks my grandma is hard of hearing. WRONG. she can hear all sorts of shit. she can hear me playing the mr brown show on my portable speakers (READ: NOT LOUD) in my room through a locked door, and she’s gonna come in the next day and ask where my boyfriend is. hard of hearing my ass.

and my favourite one is this: mom thinks grandma is weak and fragile. YOU HAVE FAILED THE EXAM WOMAN. one night i’m playing music in my room, i step out for a glass of water (or alcohol whatever), open the door and i have just won the grandmotherf@cking lottery.

my grandma is standing outside my door, trying to listen in on me and j. holiday. i can’t even close my mouth cos i’m shocked shitless and that windbag is already half way back to her room, skipping like a little school girl.

…skipping like a damn kid. can you believe that mmmullshit.